Please Excuse My Penmanship
by OurImpavidHeroine
Summary: Wu leaves Republic City for Ba Sing Se in order to prepare for his abdication. It doesn't go quite as planned. He tells Mako (at length) all about it, and Mako (sometimes) responds.
1. Ba Sing Se, Late Summer, 174 AG: Wu

Ba Sing Se  
Late Summer, 174 AG

Dear Mako,

Well, I have to say, at least I went back to Ba Sing Se in better form than when I left. Leaving, the Dai Li threw my fifteen-year-old self into an airship and there was all kinds of excitement, what with the people rioting and trying to kill me and the Queen laying on the floor with her eyes and tongue sticking out. Well, the part where the three Dai Li were killed in front of me was not really all that exciting. That part was more terrifying. Also, you can't get brain matter out of silk, I don't care what they say.

Coming back in, well, now I'm nineteen and probably no smarter, although at least I've traveled a little. The day the Queen died was the first time I had ever left the Upper Ring, did I ever tell you that? I don't remember. Do you want to hear something funny? The Dai Li took me to the Four Elements in Republic City and all I wanted to do was wash all of the blood off but I didn't even know how to operate the shower. I had never done it before! I just stood there in the bathroom and stared at the shower hoping that either someone would come in or I could make it go with the sheer force of my will or something? I don't know! We had people to do those things for us at the Palace, you have to understand. So as useless as everyone here seems to think I am, at least I can run my own bath now. You see? I _can_ learn.

There's nothing left of the palace but bones. It's all gone. The art, the statues, the furniture, everything. They even killed the umpty-ump-year-old koi in the fishpond in the Conservatory, and I wish they hadn't done that. They were the only animals allowed in the palace - the Queen hated animals, but even she wasn't willing to eat the sacred koi - so they were the only pets I had. I named them all and snuck them bits of dumplings sometimes. I am genuinely sorry about the koi. I don't really care so much about all of the rest - I have money galore, you know, for some reason people think the net worth of royalty is tied up into jewels and such, but it's all about the real estate, let me assure you. That's not even to mention that my mother's family was scandalously rich due to some extremely lucrative shipping and trade contracts that are my legacy from her and I've inherited even more due to some untimely and/or heinous deaths on that side recently so let's hear it for the Red Lotus! And also the Great Uniter! Because who needs family when you personally own some of the best real estate in the Earth Kingdom? Right?

I had this (very stupid wild) hope that my mother's portrait would still be there. It wasn't, of course. She died when I was born so I never knew her, but I used to stare up at the portrait (it hung in my bedroom) and imagine what she was like. (She was beautiful and very fond of hugging me and let me have as many pets as I wanted and always let me have dessert. No one ever touched me as a child, it's Simply Not The Thing You Do with a royal prince, and hugging yourself really doesn't fill the gap, let me tell you.) Spirits know my father never wanted anything to do with me, he died when I was five and I hardly ever saw him. I do remember him once telling me that I was small and ugly, now there's a memory of paternal love and devotion to treasure.

Well! This is not very cheerful, is it? Sorry. I really hate Ba Sing Se. And love it. But mostly I hate it.

So, what else? Oh! The Kyoshi Warriors who have charge of me now are terrifyingly efficient and there are always two of them with me. They switch off and on, you see, there are five of them total. They don't actually speak to me, which is just as well, I am frightened out of my wits by them. I wonder what they look like without all of the makeup? Besides looking like they want to take my head off at any given minute, that is. I can't actually stay at the Palace, mind you - it's cavernous and in pieces and security there is impossible - so they have put me up in an Upper Ring house that Lord Moon Peaches (or whatever his name was, they told me, but I have already forgotten it) HAPPILY gave up to me. (That's what they told me, anyhow, that he HAPPILY gave it up. I am not sure if this is true as I have yet to meet Lord Moon Peaches, but where is he living now, I wonder?) Everything smells of sandalwood and fish oil. The house, I mean. Not me. It is not, may I say, a very pleasant combination. I don't dare complain, though, as I am afraid that one of my new bodyguards will garrote me with her fan if I do.

Your grandmother packed me a going-away bag of sticky dumplings and I made everyone get out of the bathroom - it's the only place where I can have any privacy whatsoever, and I had to put my foot down over it - and I turned on the shower so no one could hear anything (good job, Wu! Turning on showers and everything!) and sat on the floor and ate them and had a small session of waterworks. Wu down! Never tell. Kings don't cry.

Tomorrow I have to meet with the regional governors. Some of them loved Kuvira and want her back and some hated her and are glad she is gone and some are happy that I am abdicating and some are most certainly NOT glad about it and I already know that no matter what I do or say, no one will like it. I should be more like the Queen was, frankly she never gave a damn about anyone but herself and if you did something she didn't like, well, that's what she had the Dai Li for. Don't like me abdicating? Think Kuvira was all that? DAI LI! TAKE CARE OF IT WITH YOUR BIG ROCK FISTS!

(Which reminds me, when you and your brother were in prison in Ba Sing Se I was there too! Well, not in the prison, but in the Palace. In my dreams I came to your glorious rescue, but of course I would have never been allowed anywhere near the prison. Ah well. A boy can dream.)

I hope your hand feels better. I hope you are happier getting back to your real job. Please write me back. Please.

-Wu


	2. Republic City, Early Autumn, 174 AG:Mako

Republic City  
Early Autumn, 174 AG

Dear Wu,

If you don't like your bodyguards then you should fire them and get new ones.

Sorry it took me so long to answer. I only had a year of school and I can't just pick up a pen and start writing the way you do. I wish I could, but that's just how it is. You'll have to be patient with me and please excuse my penmanship.

Work is okay. The looting was pretty bad. Raiko's bright idea was to just abandon the destroyed parts of the city and build out but he's not thinking straight. There are a lot of people now homeless who have nothing so of course they are squatting in buildings that either have been or need to be condemned. We've had people killed by falling rubble already. I think the Chief might borrow one of your Kyoshi Warriors' fans to garrote Raiko. Come to think of it, she might even know how to use one. I wouldn't put it past her.

I've been staying out at Asami's place with my family but the commute is terrible. I need to find something closer to the station. (The new station, that is, since the old one is in ruins.) Public transportation is still down in most parts of the city and apparently Korra and Asami thought this would be a great time to take a vacation in the spirit world. Don't ask me. Must be nice. (I swear, if Bolin makes one more crack about my ex-girlfriends hooking up I'm going to use a fan on him myself. Seriously, I know I can be kind of an asshole sometimes, but they seem happy, and why wouldn't I be happy to see them happy? They are certainly happier together than they ever were with me!) It just frustrates me that they've run out when Republic City needs them both. I need to get over myself, though.

My hand and arm are better, thanks for asking. It's pretty badly scarred, though. The Chief says it's a good thing since it means I can't rely any longer on getting everything just with my good looks (!) but I don't care about that. What I do care about is getting the use of it. I've got about 75% mobility in my hand and fingers right now. My bending is there, but it's still pretty clumsy with that hand. I haven't been cleared to try lightning yet, the healer says I need to do the exercises she's given me before she'll allow it. I'm trying to be patient about it, but I'm not really succeeding.

My grandma misses you. She talks about you all the time. She yelled at me for two hours the other night for staying here and not going with you. Another reason why I need to move out.

-Mako


	3. Ba Sing Se, Autumn, 174 AG: Wu

Ba Sing Se  
Autumn, 174 RG

Dear Mako -

Hey, a complete education isn't all it's cracked up to be. True, I got hours of tutoring every day and I can do calligraphy like I was born to it, but that comes from years worth of deadly boring practice. I'd sit in my room with the calligraphy master and practice everything over and over again, wishing I could go to a park and play with other children. Well. I guess at least I had a roof over my head and food in my mouth, so I should stop complaining.

I'd would, however, like to whine and complain about my current schedule. I wish I could say that I need a vacation but let's be honest, I had nineteen years of vacation so I don't think I can get away with that. I wonder what the spirit world is like? Someday I would like to go. Do they have hotels there? Probably not. I've never slept on the ground before. Isn't it uncomfortable?

To amuse you, this is what a normal day in Wu's life is like now:

6:00: Wake up. (Why? Why? It's not right to be awake at that hour.)

6:00-6:30: Eat breakfast alone, try to make a smiley egg face joke with Kyoshi #1, get ignored, read paper, find out how vile and foolish everyone thinks I am (very depressing) and swear yet once again I will never read another newspaper again for the rest of my life which we all know will never stick.

6:30-7:15: Bathe, hair, teeth, so on and so forth. Have fight AGAIN with Gun (Grand Secretariat for the Queen who managed to survive the fall of the Palace, well, you know what they say about cockroaches) about me wearing a suit vs. Earth Kingdom robes. Yes, we have this same fight every morning. This morning I finally summoned my inner Mako and just stared over his shoulder in stony silence until he finally shut up. (You should be glad to know that method not only works on me but also the Cockroach AKA Grand Secretariat.)

7:15-7:30: Go from fish house to special restored chamber in Palace with Kyoshi Killers and Cockroach. People like yelling at me through the windows of the Satomobile. Fun. This morning someone told me to suffocate myself like the Queen! Always enjoy that sentiment, I must say.

7:30-8:00: At least six different advisers tell me what we are going to be talking about that day. It's never something that I want to be talking about, let me assure you.

8:00-12:00: Long long oh ever so long talks about such scintillating subjects as whether or not Omashu should keep their own king or give way to democracy (I don't frankly care at this point) and if we should ask The United Republic of Nations to help with the all of the problems happening right now in the Southeast Provinces. The Southeast Provinces can suck me, truly.

12:00-13:00: Lunch. Everyone talks business at lunch. I hate them. I tried to bring up the idea of pro-bending in Ba Sing Se today so that we could talk about something else than the spirits damned Southeast Provinces and was soundly ignored. Well. Be that way, then.

13:00-17:00: See morning, above. More of the same. Wu drinks too much tea and develops a splitting headache and thinks longingly of throwing them all in prison. If it worked for my great-aunt it can work for me too.

17:00-17:15: Back to fishy smelling house, more of the same. Everyone on the street hates me, please someone send Tenzin to suck the breath out of me, yes yes. I get it already.

17:15-19:00: Advisers follow me back to fish house to discuss day's meeting with me, because apparently I am too stupid to figure it out on my own. Just because I wanted to talk over pro-bending at lunch doesn't mean I didn't listen and also? I know more about the Southeast Provinces than anyone else in that room thanks to having statecraft shoveled into my head from the time I was a toddler. You want to solve the problems in the Southeast Provinces? Then take into consideration the umpty-ump years of conflict going on down there before you get the bright idea that splitting it in half will solve all of its problems because those people hate each other with the fire of a thousand suns and they'd like nothing more than a little spot of warlike ethnic cleansing to really make things sparkle. Hmph. Kuvira was crazy and I can't say that I am thrilled with her methods, but one advantage of cowing the Southeast Provinces under her metal boot was that they actually started to band together in order to fight against her. I mentioned this and everyone reacted with horror. I don't advocate Kuvira's way, but I am saying we can learn from where she succeeded and where she failed!

19:00-20:00: Dinner. Alone. (Except for the two Kyoshis on duty.) Finally. Don't bother talking to Kyoshi #3 because I am certain she is going to murder me in my sleep. Seriously, if I die in my sleep don't listen to anything they tell you, your number one suspect is Kyoshi Warrior Yumi because she hates me. Arrest her, detective! Avenge my death!

20:00-22:00: Throw temper tantrum so I can go into bathroom by myself. Is it so much to ask that a man can cry alone in his shower? Apparently so. Kyoshi Yumi only wants in so she can enjoy the taste of my tears, I just know it. After a little cry I can sit and read or write a letter, perhaps. (Lady Moon Peaches has quite a collection of romances. I am currently reading one called "The Son of the Desert." Noble girl with exotic name of Jade Blossom promised in marriage to evil creepy old nobleman, runs away from home to desert, is captured by Sandbender tribesman - with the very unlikely name of Ping? Really, Ping? The best you could do is Ping? - who is virile and never wears a shirt in the desert sun and apparently is hung like a armadillo lion. I don't know, though, wouldn't having sex in the sand mean you get sand everywhere? I'm only asking as a Concerned Monarch.) My father had, to the best of my knowledge, at least five or six concubines, but do you think I can have even one? No. No, I cannot. Seriously, what is the point of being a temporary King if I can't even have one concubine? Honestly.

Nobody likes me here. Perhaps nobody liked me in Republic City either but at least I was distracted from it. No distractions here.

I'm sorry about your hand and arm. Truly, I am. I never could bend, of course, but I understand how it feels when something you've always taken for granted just isn't there the way it's always been. I sincerely hope it continues to improve. Republic City may not remember what you did for it, but I remember. I remember every day.

-Wu

P.S. Your grandmother sent me a care package but the Dai Li went through it and tore it apart. There was nothing left but crumbs and a note and they had pawed all over the note as well. I was so angry, I got my King On and yelled for a good half hour at the leader of the Dai Li and then realized at the end of it that I sounded exactly like the Queen always had, you know, all formal and arch and contemptuous, which made me feel utterly and completely rotten. I've tried so hard not to sound like that when I talk. I think maybe I went too far with the slang sometimes but I just wanted to pass for normal instead of sounding like a total and complete snob. Please don't tell Grandma Yin that the package was destroyed, though, I know it would just hurt her feelings. I sent her a thank you for it. I really was grateful for the thought.

P.P.S. "The Son of the Desert" has ended on a cliffhanger - Ping has been captured by the lackeys of the evil creepy old nobleman and wouldn't you know it, Lady Moon Peaches doesn't have the sequel. Of course she doesn't. I hate my life.


	4. Republic City, Autumn, 174 AG: Mako

Republic City  
Autumn, 174 AG

Dear Wu,

Police detectives are not in the business of getting revenge. That said, if Kyoshi Yumi lays a finger on you, I will put aside my badge for awhile.

Also, I can't approve of concubines. Although I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be giving relationship advice to anyone. Except to my brother, and that advice is, don't fuck it up with Opal. Other than that, I'm out.

Speaking of bad relationship advice, Korra and Asami finally got back from their vacation. Asami jumped right back into Future Industries and she's hiring and there are plans for transport infrastructure revision (Asami's words, not mine) and Varrick is working with her as well. Well. Zhu Li is working with her, Varrick is busy filming a new mover and yes, it is another Nuktuk feature. I love my brother, but I can't take the furry shorts seriously.

I had lunch with Korra yesterday (Asami works 12 hour days right now, Korra tells me, and she's not very happy about it - Korra that is, Asami always was a bit of a workaholic, so I don't know about her) and I told her I was writing to you and she said a)to say hello from her (so hello from Korra) and also b)that she is planning a trip to Ba Sing Se in the very near future and that she will let you know herself when that will happen. Because now I am her social secretary, I guess. Next time she can write her own damn letter. Not that she's a very good correspondent.

In other news, the healer let me try out lightning yesterday. It went okay. It was a pretty weak little crackle, but according to her the important thing is that I can get lightning at all and I just have to continue with the therapy and to think of the bending with that hand as a beginner's bending. I have to build it back up. I'll do whatever it takes, honestly. The hand, though…the arm doesn't show under a shirt and jacket, but the hand looks pretty bad. The scars, I mean. Maybe I should see about getting some sort of glove. Leather maybe, something more durable than cloth, but it would have to be flexible. I don't know. Maybe I'll ask Asami, she always has good ideas for that kind of thing. If she has time, that is.

Oh! I forgot, I found a place in the part of downtown that's still standing. It's pretty small, but it's mine. I don't need a big place anyhow. It's got a bed and a kitchen and my own toilet, so for right now I'm okay with it. So don't throw away the return address on the envelope, although my grandma will make sure I get anything sent to her.

Thanks for writing to her, by the way. You really make her day when she gets a letter from you. Also thank you for not discussing concubines with my grandmother. Although if the stories she tells about my grandfather are true, I doubt a concubine or two would shock her. Grandpa was quite the player, apparently. According to Grandma, she finally had had enough and she hit Grandpa upside the head with a metal teapot and then he asked her to marry him. Engagement by teapot!

We had a bad case last week that involved a murder of a woman, leaving behind her two children. That wasn't a good one. Those children are very small. What will become of them? We don't have anything in Republic City to deal with that kind of thing, not really. Nothing but orphanages, and there's a reason I ran with Bolin away from the orphanages. They aren't good places. I sent them to stay with Aunt LiLing and Uncle Chow for now. I don't know what else to do. Aunt LiLing suspects they are not sisters at all - the older girl seems to be about four and knows her name is Shu but the baby is nameless - Shu doesn't know - and looks absolutely nothing like Shu. Who knows where the baby came from? Republic City is such a mess right now. The baby has more traditional Fire Nation coloring and looks, though, so Aunt LiLing decided to name her Naoki after my mother. Bolin and I were very touched.

Hang in there. Soon you'll be all abdicated and then you can go to a spa. You know. Treat yourself.

-Mako

P.S. Enclosed is "Lord of the Desert." I won't give spoilers, but let's just say that Ping redeems himself a little for all the crap he pulled on Jade Blossom in the first book. (That business with the Oasis Bar singer was pretty disappointing. I expected better from a heroic Sandbender.) So if you don't get the book with this letter then go hunt down the Kyoshis and take it back. I sent it for you, not them. They can have it when you're done.


	5. Ba Sing Se, Late Autumn, 174 AG: Wu

Ba Sing Se  
Late Autumn, 174 AG

Dear Mako -

Thank you thank you thank you for "Lord of the Desert!" I'm only on chapter six, but so far so good. That Ping, I tell you. So now he can lavabend? I was under the impression that was very rare. Are there any other lavabenders around besides your brother? If there are I haven't heard of them. Besides that deviant that turned the walls of Ba Sing Se into molten rock, that is. But he's dead, so there you go.

I got a letter today from Suyin Beifong. Apparently she and her husband and the oldest son - well, no, I guess not the oldest, since he's in prison, but the next one, the one with the green hair? Huan? Anyhow, they are coming up here either today or tomorrow because she wants to address the abdication and its impact on Zaofu. Actually, she was very nice to me in the letter. Which is good, because, quite frankly, those Beifongs intimidate me. I am terrified of your boss, and I am not ashamed to say so. So anyhow, it will be nice to see at least a somewhat familiar face.

Today at lunch I brought up the concubines, just to see what would happen. The representative from Gaoling was so scandalized he swallowed an entire bean curd puff whole and choked and had to be smacked on the back by Kyoshi #5, which caused the entire bean curd puff to fly out from his mouth and across the table to land on the Cockroach's plate. THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Everyone was furious with me, and I just don't care. Let them say I'm frivolous. Fine, I'm frivolous. However, that being said, I am almost certain that I caught Kyoshi Yumi actually laughing before she shut it down. I didn't know she had it in her.

I do get one day off a week, but I'm not allowed to actually go out. Ba Sing Se is considered too hostile for me. I get that, I do, but I feel like I am losing my mind. This is like how the palace used to feel, shut in between

_Note from Kyoshi Warrior Yumi: You have most likely heard the news that His Majesty was the victim of an assassination attempt. He was stabbed twice before the assassin was subdued; once in the abdomen and once in the left shoulder. The assassin was certainly aiming for his heart, but His Majesty was able to deflect the blade himself before the assassin was apprehended by his security detail. According to him we have your self-defense training to thank for this. He is currently under the care of the best healers in Ba Sing Se and is expected to fully recover. He asked me to forward along this unfinished note to you and to tell you that I am not to be the target of your revenge. For which I am grateful. I have already had to face the Matriarch of the Metal Clan and it is not an experience I wish to repeat._


	6. Republic City, Late Autumn, 174 AG: Mako

Republic City  
Late Autumn, 174 AG

Dear Wu,

I was working late at my desk when the Chief called me into her office and shut the door. She told me she'd been informed about what happened and that you were being cared for and were not in immediate danger. She also told me her sister was in the city already and that's who radioed her and that she and her husband were there with you and that she'd personally make sure you were okay and keep the Chief informed.

I wasn't very happy. I probably shouldn't have set the Chief's desk on fire, but it got away from me. Luckily it was only a little scorched on one edge.

How could an assassin get past five Kyoshi Warriors? Although I shouldn't talk, I guess, I let you get kidnapped while I was trying to impress my ex-girlfriends. You deserve someone or something better, Wu. This should have never happened. Never.

You probably already got the flowers from Asami and Korra and Tenzin and Pema and Bolin said he was going to send you a plush Pabu. It's from the Nuktuk toy line. Do you actually want a plush Pabu? Well, anyhow, Bolin thought you would, so it's on the way. They squeak if you squeeze them. The Pabus, not Bolin. Although sometimes he squeaks when you squeeze him, too.

Grandma is also sending a care package. She was ready to get on the next train but I don't think Ba Sing Se would be a very good place for Grandma to be right now. Even the Chief agreed and she talked Grandma down. There have been some riots there. In Ba Sing Se, I mean. Not that it's your fault. Because it isn't, okay? It isn't.

I don't have anything to send. I'm stupid with that kind of thing. I don't know what to do to help. I can only fight things in front of me, not things half the world away. I don't know what to say. Do what the healers tell you.

Don't die or anything. Please.

-Mako


	7. Ba Sing Se, Early Winter, 174 AG: Wu

Ba Sing Se  
Early Winter, 174 AG

Dear Mako -

Huan is kind enough to take this down for me while I dictate, that's why the handwriting is different._ (I'm very useful, ask anyone.-HB)_ I wanted to write the letter myself but the healer was very emphatic that I not do so. So thank you, Huan. _(Everyone's very welcome, I'm sure. I can be paid in another one of those sticky dumplings from your grandmother. Delicious.-HB)_

I was writing the letter to you when I heard a noise in my bathroom. I thought that it was one of the Kyoshi warriors and I thought, really? Did I not ask for privacy? So I jumped from the desk and went in there all ready to get my royal shorts in a twist but alas! It was not a Kyoshi warrior but rather a very tall man in all black who had a very large knife. He came at me and I remembered what you told me about grabbing at the wrist in a knife attack but he got me in the stomach before I could do anything. I grabbed his wrist after he pulled the knife out, though (in retrospect I should have grabbed it while it was still in my stomach, perhaps, but I was not thinking that clearly) and we struggled and he did get it into my left shoulder but as I am pretty sure he was going for my heart I'll consider that a success. It was at that point that it occurred to me that I should perhaps shout for the Kyoshi Warriors, so I did, and then suddenly the bathroom door flew open and some strange woman ran in and there was lots of very impressive kicking and all - which was all very exciting - but I remembered overhearing you at some point saying that you have to keep pressure on a stomach wound so I put my fist there and I wish I could tell you that I was very brave and strong but I felt something and I thought, what is that? And it was my insides and well, at that point I am afraid I passed right out. _(Clearly understandable.-HB)_

Next thing I know there were a few hundred people in my bathroom staring at me, and according to Kyoshi Yumi I was calling for you, but alas! You were not there. They carried me to the bed and healers were fetched, and I must say, at first it didn't hurt but then it hurt very much indeed and I was trying very hard not to be a baby about it, but I'm afraid I'm not really a warrior about that kind of thing. I would like to state emphatically that I vastly prefer strawberry pie to actual stabbings. I think I passed out again for awhile and then I heard a woman cursing in the most inventive way _(My mother could put a pirate to shame, and I should know, I've actually heard both my mother and pirates go at it and I'd lay my money on her every time. -HB)_ and suddenly Su Beifong was there, and she told me that everything was going to be okay and I believed her, because I would never dare do anything but take a Beifong woman at her word. _(Very wise.-HB)_ And then they put me to sleep and I don't remember anything else until I woke up here in my room all over stitches and bandages.

They are making me eat gruel _(It's vile, I tried it.-HB)_ and it's really awful, but Huan cut up some of your Grandma's sticky dumplings and fed them to me on the sly. _(It was the only humane thing to do, really.-HB)_

Today the Cockroach came and started to go on about my recovery and this and that, and Su told him that as soon as the healers cleared me to move she was taking me to Zaofu where I could finish my recovery in safety and there was a terrible argument about it and they both left the room, leaving me in here with Huan and Baatar Sr and Kyoshi Yumi. We could still hear them though, and the Cockroach was definitely losing that battle and then he brought up Kuvira _(He's lucky she didn't bend him into next week, my mother is still just a touch sensitive about the whole Kuvira thing.-HB)_ and Baatar left the room in a hurry to go and break that up. _(My father is a most excellent man and handles my mother well, a skill your brother should learn if he really intends to continue his carnal relations with my sister.-HB)_ So long story short, soon I will be going to Zaofu. I have never been to Zaofu. I am looking forward to it. _(The food is certainly better. Also, none of the homes in Zaofu smell like fish oil. Honestly! What were they doing in the bedroom that involved fish oil? Never mind. One does not actually want to continue that line of thought.-HB)_

I'm feeling a little tired now, so Huan has promised to read me another chapter of "The Desert Lord" and then I will probably sleep for awhile. All I seem to do is sleep. _(We're just about at the part where Ping finds the Oasis Bar Singer is actually his long lost sister. Are we just supposed to forget what he did with her in book one? I'm all for sexual freedom, but really. His sister? I have a sister, and the answer is NO.-HB)_

I promise a longer letter when I am in Zaofu. Oh, also, I got the plush Pabu. He squeaks most delightfully. He is snuggled here in bed with me. Please do thank Bolin for me.

-Wu

_(If I know my mother - and I do happen to know her - I would expect that Prince Wu will be on an airship to Zaofu sooner rather than later. In fact, I would not be surprised to hear that one was being prepared now. You may as well address any further correspondence to him in Zaofu. You can send it care of my mother, she will make sure it gets to him immediately, and no one will paw through it if your grandmother wishes to send any more care packages. Although those sticky dumplings would tempt a stronger man than me.-HB)_


	8. Zaofu, Winter, 175 AG: Wu

Zaofu  
Winter, 175 AG

Dear Mako -

Hello From Zaofu! It is a beautiful city. I love it. According to Huan there was a lot of damage done by Kuvira (not a subject best brought up at dinner, but even I am not so clueless as to do that, and as everyone knows, I don't always have the best social skills) and they are still rebuilding but even so, it's lovely. I'm not doing much walking - I get very tired very easily - but I have a pushchair and there is usually someone happy to take me wherever.

I slept most of the trip on the airship. It was very comfortable, though. Su and Baatar have been very kind hosts. And! My bedroom does NOT smell of fish oil! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write, but I wasn't feeling quite myself for awhile there. I'm sure you understand.

When we arrived there were the twins waiting for us. I confess that at first I couldn't tell them apart at all - they really do look almost exactly alike - but as I got to know them better, it became easier. Wing is more thoughtful and rather sweet; Wei is full of energy and mischief and his mother says that he is the cause of all of her gray hair. I have gotten to know Huan much better as well. He was very quiet when they were in Republic City for the wedding and all, but we've actually talked here and he had a very bad time of it when his brother and Kuvira imprisoned his family. (I think he's just a quiet person anyhow - he didn't speak at all until he was about five years old, can you imagine? I was probably born talking.) He also asked me point blank why I talked like I was in a mover and said that the way I was speaking was a little annoying and asked me to stop! But you know, I didn't mind. I'd rather people were honest with me, all my life I've been surrounded by people who lie and twist and flatter and it's exhausting to me most of the time.

He's aware that he comes off as being aloof but doesn't seem to care that much and I am so envious of that, I worry far too much of what people think of me and I always have - but he told me that sometimes when he gets very upset he just retreats within. Of course when I get distressed I can't shut myself up. Believe it or not there is a part of me deep inside that says, "Wu! Shut up! Shut up now!" but I can't seem to make myself stop talking. Nerves, you know.

I feel very comfortable with him and his whole family. I am very wistful and jealous of their childhood here - it's very obvious that the three brothers still at home are very close with each other and their parents as well, and they speak of their sister with great fondness and love. (They do not speak much of the oldest brother at all, and Kuvira is simply never mentioned. Or at least not in my hearing, but I'm not family, so.) They didn't grow up like I did, of course - lucky them! - but at least they are wealthy, so I don't always feel like the world's most spoiled rich boy here. I always forgot that you and your brother didn't have much in the way of money because I had really never met anyone like you before and then I'd say something stupid about money and you'd get this look on your face and I'd feel twenty kinds of stupid which would only lead to my traitor mouth spewing out something even worse. Anyhow, I never feel like that here, it's a relief not to be so nervous all the time.

Wu's new resolution: stop being so thoughtless and shut up some of the time. Also, stop talking like I am in a mover because it annoys Huan. And probably makes me sound like an ass. I am an ass, but I suppose there is no need to advertise.

And! It turns out we are all third cousins. Their great-grandmother, Poppy, was my great-great-aunt on my mother's side. Her sister Lotus married my great-grandfather. So you see, I have some family after all!

They have an excellent waterhealer here and he says I will be right as rain (he really did say that, it was very sort of waterbendish) in a few weeks. No permanent damage done, although I will have scars! I am very excited, I have never had a scar before, and they are no good if you get them from something silly, like an errant fishhook or a piece of glass. No, these are stab wound scars! Now if I could just grow a mustache I might actually feel like a man instead of an overgrown boy. Every morning now he is taking me through traditional waterbending forms. At first I felt silly - I'm not a bender for one thing, and for another, if you thought I looked spindly before, you should see me now, I think Ikki probably outweighs me. But the waterhealer told me that the forms would be beneficial to regaining strength and flexibility as well as help me to get more spiritually grounded. Well, it's not like I could get any worse, so I am game. The first morning we started, Huan came out as well. He says he's interested in how other benders move, and then went into a dialog about artistic principles which I won't repeat (you're welcome) but long story short, a few other people joined in (including the chef, who used to be an actual real live pirate, I was thrilled, can you imagine? He showed me all of his tattoos, although to be perfectly honest I really didn't want to see the one on his nether regions) and so now we're a little group, every morning, swaying in the breeze. I hope I don't look too ridiculous. Spirits know I am always covered in sweat and very wobbly afterward, but Chef directs me straight to his kitchen and makes me special smoothies, so that part of it is fine by me.

Su sat me down a few days ago and asked how I felt about moving the abdication talks to Zaofu. I'm torn. Of course on a personal level I would love to stay, but this isn't really about what I want, it's about what would be best for the entire Earth Kingdom. I am not sure if me being in Zaofu would be taken the wrong way or not. On the one hand, it is certainly an excellent example of a free and democratic city-state. On the other hand, Zaofu is privately owned and has never considered itself part of the Earth Kingdom. I don't know. Su has been sending letters and apparently the Cockroach will be coming next week to discuss it. Ugh. Well, who knows, but I will keep you updated.

Su has been nothing but very kind to me. I suspect, however, that she is not a woman whom you want on your bad side. Baatar (Senior, that is, I have only met Junior the once at my so-called coronation and that was singularly unpleasant and since he's currently in prison chances are slim I'll see him again and between you and me, I think it is for the best, I may be a rotten King, but you know, it is still my kingdom at this point and I do not thank him for what he and Kuvira did to it) is a very nice man indeed. I like the twins as well, even if they are a little rambunctious. Huan I like tremendously - he's a bit odd, to be sure, but not odd in a bad way. Or at least not for me, I can see that other people are put off by him sometimes, but I don't mind his idiosyncrasies. I feel as if we might actually be friends. And by friends, I mean a real friend. A friend who likes me for me, not just because I had to be put up with. The thought makes me almost curl up my toes with happiness. If I only don't screw it up!

I was able to tell him about the day the Queen was assassinated, and he told me about what happened the night his brother and Kuvira took Zaofu, and well, let's just say that neither one of us had a very good time of it. Sometimes the scars aren't carried where anyone else can see them, you know? Lately he's been asking me questions about my mother - I've told him about what I remember of her portrait, describing her and such, but that's all I know about her, really. No one would talk to me about her, I have no idea what she was really like. It still makes me sad.

Mako, how could you not tell me Grandma and Tu would come to visit! You can imagine my surprise and delight, I was writing this to you and talking with Huan in his atelier (he's painting something), and suddenly I heard a familiar voice say, "Whoa, sitting down on the job again?" and it was Tu! And Grandma Yin was right behind him and I am not ashamed to say I did a little waterworks right there, I was so happy. Your grandma hugged me and kissed me (I am not opposed to Grandma kisses; in fact, I think they might be one of my favorite things, the only other person in my whole life who kissed me was my Nanny, and she was sent away when I was only five, that's a long time to go without kisses) and then she scolded me for a good twenty minutes like I was actually her own boy instead of a King and we both felt better when she was done.

Grandma says that Lin is the one who went to visit them at Asami's and extended the invitation to them from Su and made sure they got on the train. I will have to thank both of them. I think it's a good thing to have Beifongs on your side.

Grandma sat next to me at dinner tonight and told a little bit about what's going on in Republic City. (I asked her about the two little girls you rescued; she says they are fitting into the extended family very well and I was genuinely happy to hear it, I think you did something very good there, Mako. Perhaps this will also take the pressure off of poor Meng-Meng, your Aunt LiLing really does go on and on about the whole grandchildren thing.) Tu sat next to the twins and started to tell some bawdy story and was shot down by Grandma. However, I know Wei will get it out of him later. I'm a little afraid to think of Tu joining forces with the twins. Here's hoping Zaofu will withstand it.

You haven't written in awhile. How is your hand and arm? Are you able to bend lightning fully yet? Please let me know. Grandma says you don't make it to the mansion all that often, either. Is everything okay?

\- Wu

P.S. When I went to bed tonight I realized there was something on the wall facing my bed; I turned on the light and it was my mother. It was her portrait! Not exactly the same - the background was a field of flowers and not some stuffy chamber room like the original and the colors and shapes were slightly different, but it was her! I was so shocked that I couldn't even wrap my brain around it - where had it come from? How could it have happened? But then I remembered Huan asking me all these questions about it. He seemed to just be idly asking, and you know me, I can talk the hind leg off an ostrich horse but this must have been what he was painting. I had no idea he could actually paint like this, to be honest, I thought he just made those weird sculptures. No one has ever done anything like this for me before in my life, Mako. How can I ever thank him enough? So because I am me I just impulsively ran into his bedroom unannounced and sort of jumped on his bed to hug him. (Thankfully he did not take this the wrong way, especially since he doesn't always like people to touch him.) He said that it was his way of thanking me for listening to him tell about when Kuvira imprisoned them outside of Zaofu. I came back here to my room and lay awake and stared at her. I don't know if she would have loved me or not, but I hope she would have. I hope she would have seen past all of my mistakes and foolishness and seen that I do try. I don't always succeed, but I do try.


	9. Zaofu, Late Winter, 175 AG: Wu

Zaofu  
Late Winter, 175 AG

Dear Mako -

I still haven't heard from you. Have I said something stupid and offended you? If I have please tell me, please don't do that thing where you just refuse to speak to me. I understand if you are too busy to write - I know Republic City is a mess, Tu has filled me in on a lot of what is happening, and Su regularly gets updates from her sister - but I just feel like this is personal. Or who knows, maybe it is just me getting all over nerves for nothing. We all know how that goes. I'm like a nervous little poodle monkey, even though I would far rather come across as a goat gorilla. Or a sandshark, maybe. I bet if I came across like a sandshark I wouldn't have to talk to the Cockroach tomorrow. He's come to (berate) visit me yet once again. Hooray, says Wu sarcastically, with a horrible sulky face.

I have an announcement to make! This morning during my waterbending forms I was able to execute and hold the earth dragon! It was only for a measly few seconds, but considering that every other time I have attempted it I have toppled over like a toddler, I felt extremely accomplished. Chef made my favorite smoothie in celebration. It has mango in it. It is to die for. Only not by being stabbed, ha ha ha.

Kyoshi Yumi has joined us in our morning group as well. She's the one who saved me, did I tell you? She went off-duty when we arrived back at Lord Moon Peaches' house that night and she had gone back to the room the Warriors slept in to take off her uniform and makeup and such, but she said something just felt wrong to her and she couldn't settle, so she took up her fans and katana - which she's technically not supposed to do out of uniform, but I'm certainly not going to turn her in for it! - and went exploring around. She was outside the house and saw that my bathroom window was open and immediately ran into the house and straight for my bedroom, brushing past Kyoshi #2 and #4 who were (allegedly) on duty and she was already opening the bathroom door when I finally had brains enough to shout for help. The funny thing about it is that I saw her, but I had NO IDEA who the random woman was in my bathroom with the sword because I had never seen her without her makeup on! I didn't recognize her! In any case, when this was all explained to Su's satisfaction, she let Yumi stay on with me. The rest were sent home in disgrace. It turns out that Yumi is pretty nice when she isn't looking like she wants to kill someone. And I was right, she was laughing when I asked about the concubines. She told me she couldn't believe I could discuss concubines in a room of such august personages with such a straight face. I'm glad she leaves off the makeup right now, though, because the makeup deeply unsettles me if I am being honest. It looks so blank and angry. Also! Kyoshi! Not so friendly to Earth Kings, if you recall your history!

In other news, Huan is teaching Tu more advanced earthbending! I know, I was surprised, too. I mean, I know Huan's an earthbender and a metalbender at that, but I'd never actually seen him bend anything but his sculptures. I asked him about it and he gave me a very long and detailed explanation which frankly I found hard to follow but it had something to do with pacifism and also believing that bending could be taught without violence. Also, as I think I mentioned before Huan doesn't like strange people touching him, and that includes people heaving dirt at him. I'm thinking that maybe he should have been the airbender in the family. But in any case, it's interesting to watch. I thought teaching earthbending would be a lot of throwing rocks at people's heads, but with Huan it involves bare feet, blindfolds, and lots of concentrating. I don't know anything about bending but even I can see that Tu is improving. Apparently once Huan is satisfied that he can earthbend like a badgermole they will move onto metalbending.

So long story short, one of Su's security force is going to escort Grandma Yin back to Republic City in a few days and Tu is staying here for awhile. I'm happy. I actually do like Tu. He has the manners of a wolfbat, of course, but I secretly envy him that. I should like to have the manners of a wolfbat in the middle of abdication discussions! Also, I envy his arms. I could do waterbending forms for the rest of my life and never get my arms to look like that. Alas!

I get dispatches every day about the situation in the Earth Kingdom. Between trying to hold earth dragon and drinking smoothies and admiring my manly scars I'm actually trying to think about what is happening. It's become painfully clear to me that my whole idea of abdicating - just going into Ba Sing Se and saying, yes, Wu is done, carry on with yourselves whilst I return to Republic City and sing for a living - is really not going to work. It doesn't mean I can't abdicate! But it does mean that if I don't want to watch the Earth Kingdom tear itself into pieces I have to do it slowly and in stages, making sure that the democratic states are well and fully in place before I do it. It will probably take some time. Not years or anything, but possibly another year or two of getting it all in hand.

I will tell you - and I have told no one else, not even Su or Huan - that I am so sad. I didn't want this. I wanted to be able to be free, to be able to just tie it all up in a neat little bow and walk away from it, to live my life for myself. What a fool I am. What a fool I have always been. I am about ready to chuck it all and run away to the Sandbenders like Jade Blossom. I don't want this responsibility. I am terrified to be a King. I'm really not a very brave person when it all comes down to it. But there's no one else to do it, so here I am. Mistakes and all.

I thought about Korra, though - she was born to be the Avatar, it was never a choice for her either, she is who she is and she had to embrace and accept all the parts of that. And so do I. I was born to be a King, and it is my duty and responsibility to be the best King I can be for as long as necessary. I will be a different King, this I do swear. And perhaps if I work very hard and try to make the best decisions I can, some day in the (near?) future the Earth Kingdom will no longer need a monarch, will no longer need to define itself as a kingdom, and that will be a good day indeed. I have started this game of Pai Sho and all I can do is hope I am a good enough player for an entire Kingdom.

Please, Mako, please. Write to me. Tell me I am doing the right thing. Please tell me that it is right of me to try and set things straight before I step down instead of just walking away. Because at the end of the day when I am all alone again here in my room I am just the same old Wu that wants nothing more than to make you proud of me. Please tell me that you are. Please.

\- Wu


	10. Zaofu, Late Spring, 175 AG: Wu

Zaofu  
Late Spring, 175 AG

Dear Mako -

I don't even know why I am still writing. If you wanted me to know how it felt when Korra wouldn't write to you then guess what? You win. I know.

With Baatar's help I have engaged an architect and builders to start with some very basic and needed repairs on the palace in Ba Sing Se. Next month I will have another coronation there - it won't be with full pomp and ceremony (I'll forgo the dance of the badgermoles, even though, in my heart of hearts, I'd really like to have them) but I already wrote to Zhu Li and she and Varrick will stage the whole thing and film it. Yes, I know you are rolling your eyes but all jokes aside, coronations are big deals and people really do love them. (And frankly, my last coronation really left a lot to be desired.) And by people I do mean just ordinary people. You and I, we don't really run with the ordinary crowd, do we? You were a pro-bender and worked with the Avatar and are on a first name basis with current world leaders. You really aren't just an ordinary person any more, and I certainly never was. But ordinary people? People like your grandmother or even the people you see on the street, those people like a spectacle, and I've always understood that and so does Varrick. To that end there's a metalbender here in Zaofu who will be making me a new crown (more comfortable than the old one, I do hope, that thing was like a stone) and other swanky coronation jewelry and the plan is to send copies of the coronation mover to all of the villages we can so that anyone who wants to see it will be able to do so. (Varrick has some insane idea about people having small mover screens in their own homes but he completely lost me with the innovations involved. I'll stick to being a King, I think.)

Don't worry, I won't sing. Or dance. Or wear taffeta pantaloons.

Well. Maybe a little.

I will surely go to the spa. I think I've earned it for that day. I can't even remember the last time I went to a spa. Republic City, actually, which feels like a million years ago. Also, I need a haircut. Badly. I look like a curly-topped scarecrow.

There's a lot of unrest going on and riots from people who are claiming that what Kuvira did at Coronation #1 means that I am not actually the King, and others who say that Coronation #1 counted and people are actually trying to kill each over this, so the general consensus amongst all the smart people is that we will just do the whole damn thing over again so that when the time comes I can abdicate without half the Earth Kingdom claiming I was never King to begin with and end that particular issue for good. One issue down, twenty thousand to go.

It's politics. It's stupid. I hate it. No. I loathe it.

My job is to show up and look good and smile for the cameras. Well. At least I won't fail at that, right?

Two days from now I'll be meeting in Ba Sing Se with Raiko, Tenzin, Tonraq, those weird creepy Eska/Desna twins (oh, I really dislike them and also, they smell funny) and Firelord Izumi as well as Korra to go over my plans for the Earth Kingdom. Su wanted me to do it here in Zaofu and as much as I would love to stay here, the seat of the monarchy is in Ba Sing Se and it's not about what I want. I'm not asking for permission, by the way. Not for any of it. I will ask for support, but if they give it or not I will continue with my plans for democracy and eventual abdication. If I am going to be a King - even temporarily - then I need to act like one. I sent a long letter to Korra and told her my plans and told her that I sincerely hoped I would still have her support as the Avatar, and a few days ago she arrived in Zaofu with a brand spanking new airship, compliments of Asami, with the royal crest on it. I was so glad to see her that I hugged her, but don't worry, I asked permission first. (I can be taught! Also! She could kill me in a single blow, and seeing as I've already nearly died once this year, I think that can suffice for now.)

For the first time ever, I really had a chance to talk to Korra. (By talking I mean that I listened to her instead of just trying to hit on her. I did apologize, I will have you know. I told you, I'm trying.) I told her about my realization that in some ways we were the same, and that we really can't run away from these things we were born to. She said that for awhile there she didn't want to be the Avatar. I told her that I still didn't want to be the King. She said we were having a kickass pity party, and I showed her where Su keeps all of the best bottles of sake (Wei showed me) and we took a bottle and had a drink (or two or three) to celebrate. She also told me she worries sometimes about how much time she'll have to be away from Asami since she (Korra) will have to be on the move a lot and Asami's work in Republic City is important and necessary and we agreed that being a World Leader is not all it's cracked up to be. And then we finished that damn bottle of sake.

(Yes, the King of the Earth Kingdom was slightly hungover this morning. As was the Avatar, bringer of balance and Harmonic Convergence. Note: morning waterbender forms are not conducive to a hangover. Just in case you ever wondered. However, Chef was sympathetic and made me some horrible concoction that he referred to as "the hair of the polarbear dog" and I drank it down and went back to bed for a few hours, so I do feel marginally better at least.)

Su will also be there for the meeting in Ba Sing Se, for which I am grateful. I really do appreciate her support. Also, she won't let Izumi eat me. I hope.

Tomorrow Korra and I will leave on the airship for Ba Sing Se. Yumi is coming to make sure no one sticks anything into me again and Huan is coming as well. He just up and announced he was going with me - he does that sometimes, just says things unexpectedly - which his mother strongly protested. She's protective of all of her children, but she is like a platypus bear mother with Huan. Luckily Baatar talked her down. The thing is, I could really use Huan. (Well, what I really need is a new Grand Secretariat - Gun is not getting any younger, and he is completely against me abdicating, and frankly, he's hindering me. As much as he annoys me personally I am going to make sure he retires in style, though - he deserves that for all of his years being tortured by the Queen.) I know Huan doesn't want to be the Grand Secretariat - he doesn't really do certain things (like look people in the eye, and if things get too noisy he just gets up and walks out of the room without saying anything to anyone) but he has the most amazing memory of anyone I have ever met and he sees things that other people just don't see. He points them out to me, too, no matter what they are. He's not very politic, but that's one of the things I like about him. I value it.

I asked Tu what he was going to do last night at dinner and he looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, "Unlike the rest of the people here, I'm actually an Earth Kingdom citizen. Where Wu goes, I go." Good old Tu! I would kiss him, but he'd probably bend a rock at me, King or not.

(Speaking of Tu, Huan did, indeed, teach him to metalbend. Huan has missed his calling as a teacher, I think. Tell your brother to watch out, Tu is getting a lot better!)

I have so much to do and think about. I absolutely need to pay a visit to the Southeast Provinces (they are going from bad to worse) and then sit down and figure out how we are going to roll all of this out - separating states without causing border wars, establishing elections because let's face it, in some of those places who even knows if they know what voting actually is and I also need to get rid of the Dai Li because, in my experience, the Dai Li is trouble, they are an incestuous mess who, quite frankly, were probably behind my assassination attempt a few months ago and how I am to do that I have quite literally no idea since they will simply just try to kill me again, I am sure. Not the most pleasant thought, I have to say. There's so much to do and when I start to think about it all I start to get a little panicky. I need help, I really do, I can't possibly manage all of this on my own, but knowing who to trust is so difficult. I just remind myself to take deep breaths, to do my waterbending forms every morning, and to try as best I can to get at least some sleep at night.

Korra says that she just tries to take each decision, each choice as it comes and then move onto the next one, but I feel like I am having a thousand choices all thrown at me at once. I can't possibly grab them all. How many of them will fall from my fingers? I don't want to be known as King Fuck Up, The Last Monarch of The Earth Kingdom.

Is it too late for me to just run for the hills and hide out for the rest of my life?

I wish you were here. I know you are where you are meant to be, and I don't have to be told that you are doing well at your job. I know you are good at it, and I know it wasn't fair for me to demand that you come to Ba Sing Se with me back before Kuvira took out Republic City. That was wrong of me, you are not mine to control. I'm sorry that I tried to force you, I truly am. I hope you can forgive me. It wasn't out of malice, just thoughtlessness and fear.

I miss you.

No matter how crazy things got I always felt so safe with you, and it was the first time I'd ever felt truly safe in my entire life. I went through several bodyguards before I got you, you know. None of them made me feel safe at all. It was too much to ask of you, though, to give up everything you wanted and needed simply to make me feel better. I needed to make myself feel better. And anyhow, I think Yumi has proved herself as a pretty good bodyguard; I know she would give her life to protect me. It's her job of choice, anyhow, it's what she's trained for. I think I have found a good friend, a true friend, my first real friend! in Huan and his support - as just Huan, but also as a Beifong - is invaluable to me. And Tu, wolfbat that he is, keeps me grounded.

I'm going to be okay. It won't be easy, but I can either cry about it or I can put on my crown and make it happen, so I'm going to put on my crown and make it happen. I've got good people to support me, and it will be what it will be.

But if I am going to be honest - and I probably shouldn't be honest, but what do I have to lose at this point, what is the worst thing you will do, never speak to me again? But if I am going to be honest, I was more than a little in love with you. Still am. And I know you didn't return it and I would never ever want to make you uncomfortable or upset about it in any way. I don't want you to be upset or uncomfortable or unhappy about anything in your life, I just want you to be happy. I just wanted to say it, this once. I will never bring it up again, I promise. I just wanted you to know. I know I am a fool, and I know I made you want to tear your hair out, but as excellent as my general education was - and I only had the best tutors, you can be sure - I was never taught how to deal with people outside of ordering them around like servants. Not an excuse, just an explanation. I had to learn how to treat people decently all by myself, and I certainly made a lot of mistakes while figuring it all out. (I'm still making mistakes, I'm sure.) Mako, I am so sorry for any hurt I caused you. Causing you pain was the very last thing I ever wanted to do.

So. Here is what I have learned since I left Republic City: I love you, and because of that, I understand I have to let you go.

Be well. Be happy, please. If you get a chance, watch the coronation mover and think fondly of me. I promise one amazing show, even without the badgermoles!

\- Wu


	11. Republic City, Late Spring, 175 AG: Mako

Republic City  
Late Spring, 175 AG

Dear Wu,

The Chief and I have this thing where she comes to my flat in the evenings and brings paperwork for me to look over with her. It's not every night and it's never really any kind of paperwork that needs to be gone over right then and there, but I don't know, it's just our way of connecting, I suppose. Maybe we have a drink or two and we don't really talk very much, just sit and have a drink and pretend we're there for the paperwork. It's company, I guess.

We're not very good with feelings, the Chief and me.

She came over tonight, and I had your letters sitting on the table. I went to go and get glasses and my bottle of whiskey, and when I came back she was tapping her finger on one of the letters.

"So I see Wu is writing to you," she said. I gathered the letters together and took them back to my bedroom.

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I didn't say anything at all. Then she showed me the report she had brought and we sat at the table and drank our whiskey and made desultory notes.

"You could take a few days," she said, out of nowhere. "I could spare you for a few days."

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"If you wanted to go to Ba Sing Se for that ridiculous second coronation thing," she said, and rolled her eyes. "I hear there is going to be a choir or dancing girls or some such shit like that."

"Oh. Well. I wasn't planning on it or anything. I'm not an Earth Kingdom citizen, their coronations don't really impact me," I said.

She was quiet for awhile, and then poured herself another glass of whiskey.

"You know, when you get to be my age," and here she pointed at me, "Not that I am dead yet, I'll have you know! But anyhow, one of the so-called joys of getting older is looking back on all of the things you did or didn't do and how it's impacted your life. Things that you should have done but that never happened because you were insulted or angry or hurt or whatever. Although what it really comes down to is fear, I think. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and there are a lot of things I would change if I could go back in time. I fucked up things with Tenzin pretty badly, but all told I wouldn't change the end result. I wasn't made to be the mother of the Air Nomads, Pema does that very well, she was the right choice there, and I know Tenzin loves her. But I hurt him and I hurt myself in the process, and that was because I was afraid. And that part of it all I wish I could change. I wish I hadn't lost out on all those years of my nephews and niece growing up, either. And that was no one's fault but my own." She drank her whiskey. "What I am trying to say here is that the things I most regret are the things I didn't do because I was afraid. Oh, I told myself it was because I was angry and I had a right to be, but it was because I was afraid, make no doubt about it."

I really didn't know what to say. She's never talked to me like this before.

"You're a good kid, Mako. A good man, I should say, you aren't a kid any more. You're one of the best I've got, and if you play your cards right you'll have my job some day. You'll be good at it, too. I just hate to see you making the same mistakes I made. Don't get to be my age and regret all of the happiness you might have had just because you were afraid to reach out and take it with both hands." With that she put her glass down on the table and took up the report. "In any case, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Do me a favor and stop off at Wong's on your way in and remind him that I am still waiting for him to give a statement about that robbery last week. He clearly needs a little more encouragement."

"Sure thing, Chief," I said.

"Sleep tight, kid," she said, and then she was gone.

I thought about what she said for a long time. And then I drank some more whiskey before I took up some paper to write you this letter. I know you haven't heard from me in too long and I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, and I'm bad at this. I'm very bad at this. Other people can express themselves and I get stuck inside my own head, I start to question everything that might possibly come out of my mouth and it always sounds so wrong, by the time I've crafted something that I think will be acceptable the moment has always passed and moved on and I'm still standing there in the past, trying to pick up all of the pieces of what just happened.

I have control issues. In case you hadn't noticed. I'm working on it.

I've written you letters, but I've thrown them all away. (Remind me to apologize to Korra for being so nasty about her not writing to me, because I owe her a big apology.)

I spent a lot of years having to be the person who could walk into any situation and fix everything. Everything depended on me. If I didn't fix things what would happen to Bolin? What would happen to me? I had to take care of everything and protect people and take control, and when I couldn't immediately fix everything I behaved terribly. And by terribly, I mean terribly. I wasn't very nice to the people I loved. I didn't know how to be anything else but Mako in charge, even when nobody needed or wanted me to be in charge. I had no idea what to do or who to be when nobody needed or wanted me to be in charge, either.

I wasn't very nice to you a lot of the time. I am ashamed of that. You wrote to me about Huan Beifong asking you about why you talked like you were in a mover, and I remember once I was in a bad mood and I snapped at you about it, and you looked up at me, and I could see you were hurt, I'm oblivious but not that oblivious, and you said to me, "Well, it's either that or sound like the Queen," and you tried to make a joke of it, but it wasn't a joke to you, was it? I was so resentful of you being rich and having it all that I never stopped to think that maybe, in many ways, you had it a lot worse than I did.

I'm sorry.

I want to do the right thing for people and I end up either smothering them when they don't want or need to be (Korra) or treating them like an eternal child (Bolin) or never getting any deeper into a relationship than playing big sexy guy (Asami) or making them think I don't care about them (you). I'm so afraid that I will do the wrong thing and people will just up and disappear on me that I either hang on too long or just walk away first without even trying to fix things. What can I say? I have lots of issues.

Do you remember what Tu said to me that day I first started to try and teach you self defense? It's burned into my memory. He said I was so afraid to disappoint anyone that I end up disappointing everyone. He was right, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about it over the past months. Year. It's been awhile.

There are two things I know for sure I'm good at: firebending and taking care of people. The thing is, when I met you you were someone who was afraid and desperate to be taken care of, and spirits did I jump right into that. And it was wrong. For both of us. You became completely dependent on me and I started to resent you for it even though people being dependent on me certainly makes me feel more in control.

I don't think I can change that about me. Wanting to take care of people, I mean. That's what I do. But it has to be the right way. You can take care of someone because you love them and you can also accept and cherish it when they turn around and take care of you as well. You can let them make their own choices and decisions and if they make a mistake, you can be there to give your support and help if asked. It needs to be a balance, it has to be a give and take. You kept trying to take care of me, and I rejected you every time. Part of it was the pride about the money - kid from the streets, I have money issues, in case you hadn't noticed that either - but also it was because I was the one who was supposed to doing the caring and protecting and so I couldn't accept it in return from you. That's not a healthy way to have a relationship on any level at all. Not with anyone. I know this. I understand this. Now.

Here's the thing. You are a man, Wu. Not a boy. I know you feel overwhelmed and scared, but if you weren't feeling overwhelmed about all of the responsibility sitting on your head right now then I'd think there was something seriously wrong with you. Like Kuvira-wrong. Even though you are feeling overwhelmed, though, you are taking care of things. You have a group of people that are supporting you in a way that you need them to be, and you have done that on your own. You don't need me to protect you. You don't need me to fix things for you. You don't need me to run your kingdom for you. (Good thing!)

I want you to know, I understand what you have said to me. I understand, from your letters, that you don't need me to be a bodyguard or a father figure or a boss or an employee or even, spirits help us all, a politician. I understand - at least I hope I understand - that what you are looking for is for an equal partner. Someone to love and to love you in return.

So. This is me, trying not to be afraid. (I'm going to need more whiskey.)

I miss you. I miss you so much. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I haven't remembered yet that you're gone and I'm laying in bed waiting to hear you chatter like you do from the moment your eyes open until they close at night and then it hits me that you are half the world away and all I want to do is go back to sleep so I don't have to think about it.

I got so jealous when I read what you had written about Huan Beifong painting you that portrait of your mother. Partly because I'm just not at all artistically gifted that way (and I wish I were) and partly because he's a handsome man and you were clearly admiring him. But mostly I felt this sick hot jealousy and shame that he was able to do what I never could and give you something that was so meaningful for you. When I had I ever done that for you? Never. And whose fault was that? Mine. I felt so shitty about it that I went and did what I usually do, which was to say nothing at all. Because that fixes everything, don't you know.

We found you on that train on your way to Kuvira and when I pulled you out of the trunk I could see you were terrified but also still all loopy from whatever drug they had given you and all I wanted to do was simultaneously take you into my arms and never let you go as well as kill everyone on that train, and those feelings were so big and wild and uncontrollable that I immediately went into control mode - part of that has to do with firebending, firebenders losing control is a really really bad thing, you are going to want to take my word on that - but also it was the first time that I realized that what I was feeling wasn't just about making sure I was doing my job and impressing my boss. I wanted to kill those people who took you. It shook me so much that I even faltered on the top of the train and let one of the bastards get me with his cable. After that I was afraid I'd let my feelings keep me from keeping you safe so I shut them down. Ruthlessly.

After everything happened with Kuvira's mecha they got me to some healers - I was in shock, my hand and arm were not in very good shape - and I was trying to ask about you because no one knew whether or not you had gotten clear of the city or captured or what (poor Tenzin was pretty battered as well, and desperately searching for information about Pema) and Pema finally showed up, and it was chaos, just chaos there, and finally I managed to get her attention and I asked about you, and she smiled and said, "He's fine, Mako, he went to take the badgermoles back to the zoo," and I did not at all understand what she meant about the badgermoles (I should have guessed) but I started to cry a little, I was so relieved (and also, I was not feeling very well at that moment) and she looked at me sharply and said, "Ah, it's like that, then?" and it was at that very moment that despite everything else going on I realized that yes, it was like that, then. But I still couldn't say anything to you. I should have said. I should have. I made very reasonable excuses to myself as to why I didn't, but it's like the Chief said, no matter what excuses I was making it was really about fear.

I should have said. I could have said at the wedding but I didn't and I had no good excuse. I should have said before you left for Ba Sing Se but I didn't and I had no good excuse for that either. I made lots of excuses - you might be the King of the Earth Kingdom, but I am the King of Excuses - but I should have said. I'm sorry. I hope it's not too late to say now.

I miss you. You are the person I most want by my side. There's a big Wu-sized hole in my life that I can't seem to fill, no matter how much I work or how much I try to ignore it.

My whiskey is gone and I should stop now before I make an even bigger ass of myself. I'm going to go put on my shoes and post this instead of throwing it away, but before I do, I just have one question for you.

Do you want me to come to your second coronation?

-Mako


	12. Ba Sing Se, Late Spring, 175 AG: Wu

Ba Sing Se  
Late Spring, 175 AG

Dear Mako,

YES.

Love,

Wu


End file.
